"Those Liberals"

A friend (former) posted to Facebook a song from U Tube sung by Doris Day. I noted below in the comments "Doris Day always makes me want to run out of a room screaming." It was an innocent observation, not intended on my part to be anything else. Certainly not a declaration of war. The posting person is in her early forties, is a divorced working professional, very intelligent hard working woman. Not one would think the sort of person who would idolize the Doris Day public persona.Doris Day's public persona not only makes me want to scream, it makes me want to vomit.

 It was foisted upon the American Public as the role model for American Womanhood. No wonder Bettie Freidan and Gloria Steinem rebelled. For those too young to remember, the Doris Day Public Persona (DDPP for the rest of this essay) was one of a well dressed woman who was in a professional world where in order to survive due to the fragile male egos she was surrounded by she pretended to be both dumb as a rock and submissive as a starving kitten. She desired marriage to wealthy powerful successful men, and fended off every advance from them until they were "bagged". She outwitted everyone through continual and deep deception.  There was not an honest dimension to her, and if society was in the 1950's and 1960's as portrayed in her movies, there was not an honest moment in it, either. The movies, values and society they portray are revolting. I am very glad the world went through the sexual and women's liberation movements of the late 1960's every time I think of Doris Day, because I can not imagine the hell of being married to such a creature. I can't imagine the hell of a society where men and women are on every level absolutely dishonest with one another. The world we live in today is not perfect, but its a whole lot better than the Stepford Doris Day world

Anyhow, my well educated hard working now former friend took great umbrage to my dislike of the DDPP. She wrote me a nasty couple of notes about me attacking her. I was confused. I have never seen personal disagreement as an attack. I thought that was strange, since she is an unconventionally lovely woman who I had in the past ALWAYS complimented on both her beauty and her intelligence. Her response was way, way, way out of scale, cutting and totally unexpected. It told me I had completely misjudged her as a person. She was "one of those "Liberals."'

One of "those Liberals"? you ask. Sadly, yes, "Those Liberals". Those liberals who listen to liberal talk radio and or go to events sponsored by some "enlightened" Church and can not, will not, tolerate anyone who disagrees with them on any issue. 'Those Liberals". You know the remarkably always in sync group thinkers who seem to have some chip implanted in their sub cortex that gets the latest talking points uploaded every morning from Palosi Central. You know, the ones who while they would be inflamed enough to shoot you, if they owned a gun, if you mentioned the remarkable similarity between them and Rush's Ditto Heads? "Those Liberals".

 You know, the ones who have never disagreed with the Party Line of the moment, even if the party Line is 180 degrees opposite of what it was last year or last week? The ones who behave as if all politics and all philosophy are team sports, and if you are not 100% on MY team YOU are the ENEMY? you know, "Those Liberals" The intolerant of difference, while celebrating "diversity" ones? They make me feel nostalgia for my years spent with rabid Pentecostals.

They also make me feel very alone and very old. I suddenly remember my good friends of old...Hari Sihng Khalsa, a friend of many years with a absolutely razor sharp mind, wit and tongue. Hari and I worked tirelessly on the LaVina and water pumping at Devils Gate projects. We disagreed on many issues and perspectives, quite sharply. From what I understand, outside observers had no idea of either our humor, or friendship, and were both confounded and afraid of an outbreak of violence. We got each other and were free to express ourselves fully. Hari died of leukemia Thanksgiving Day 1995, as Veronica, his wife, and I held him. It was a deep loss.

I think of my childhood friend Larry Walton. Very similar story, except, sadly, Larry died alone some thirty years ago. I think of my friend Tim Berends. Tim and I volunteered together in Christian ministry and had the deepest of doctrinal disagreements, but we always pulled together for each other and the cause. I think of Max and Guy, two Republican lawyers who came to my rescue when Supervisor Antonovich arranged to have Art Snyder sue me. And Robin Salzer, also a Republican, also a friend, who at that time held fund raisers to pay Guy and many of my legal costs.
I think of Oscar Werner, who was a hard right Republican and on the Altadena Town Council in my early years. Oscar had heard the rumors I was a liberal and stayed quietly away, until he realized lable or not, I was about protecting Altadena as a specific place and culture. Then Oscar took me under his wing and we became fast friends, with fifty years of time between us. I also think of Altadenas leading "liberal" light of that time, Edna Smith, who decided any friend of Oscars was the enemy. She didn't speak to me until Oscar was long dead and about a year before she died. For her public life was a matter of a team sport, and one had to always be on HER side or the ENEMY.

Life is not a team sport. Life requires listening. Sometimes you totally agree with the people on the other side. Oscar and Edna never realized it, but they agreed 95% of the time. They never spoke to each other long enough or calmly enough to know that. Sadly, I am not going to advocate discussion.
I have learned much to my deep regret that some people, "those liberals" have their minds made up, even more, I find, than the " DittoHeads".  Even worse, as much as any Christian or moslem Fundamentalist, even if they are a professed Atheist, they believe God is ALWAYS on their side. They don't seem to have taken the point from Abraham Lincoln that we must be on god;s side, not he on ours. They can not, and will not, hear you as you attempt to explain your position and embrace your commonalities. They are very like a religious Fundamentalist: Submit 100% to my viewpoint or be banned for all eternity. It's kind of comical but no longer entertaining, to observe them.

My former friend demanded retractions, the cessation of any FB disagreements, or she would defriend me. I defriended her, realizing she had never been my friend, and never would be.

I so miss Hari.